It may seem square, but waffle-knit fabric is the very best gift

It may seem square, but waffle-knit fabric is the very best gift

Maxwell Clark, Production Editor

A singular square of warmth.

Comfort bound by four walls.

The heat of a personal fireplace captured within a tiny fabric box.

Just one of these ever-so-lovely squares carries a value that cannot be explained without feeling it –a price that cannot be understood without wearing it.

A single shirt of waffle-knit fabric, the coziest item of clothing available on the known universe, contains not one, but thousands of these squares. He who wears this cloth is capable of far more than any ordinary man.

By weaving cotton into a legion of sound quadrilaterals–a matrix of strength–it becomes something of astounding ability.

The structure of each cohesive unit becomes an amalgamation capable of withstanding bear maulings, lightning strikes, and vampire bites.

The use of waffle is not reserved to only shirts. The material is recognized for its greatness regardless of where it is worn.

Waffle-knit pants are most frequently used to survive the harshest of ski trip and sledding weather.

Waffle-knit hats have an uncanny ability to protect the ears from sharp winds.

Waffle-knit socks are renowned for being the only known way to survive stepping on a Lego brick.

Even still, the greatest ability of waffle-knit fabric is not its incredible strength, nor even its versatility. What makes it superior to all other fabric is its near-mystical ability to summon the presence of Christmas.

As though the holiday spirit is woven within its strands, waffle always brings joy and cheer.

The feeling of waffle wrapped tightly around your skin is so sweet you can nearly taste the candy cane. Its embrace is like that of the heaviest blankets and the snuggest hugs.

Imagine yourself resting gently in a living room with a carpet floor. The lights are off. Candles are lit. Smooth Christmas jazz plays softly. A fireplace flickers and crackles in the background. You’re surrounded by those you love most.

Next, imagine yourself in a full body suit of waffle-knit fabric.

You just imagined the same thing twice.

Day or night, as soon as a cold breeze blows, you can find me enjoying my waffle.

Regardless of the day of year, I always have Christmas when I’m wearing my squares.

This year, there’s only one thing on my list: waffle-knit fabric.