Your Declassified Scary Movie Night Survival Guide

Hayden Turley, Sports Editor

The lights are switched off.  You are sitting on your couch with your friends staring at your TV. You squint your eyes knowing an unbelievably horrid creature will meet you face to face, look you in the eyes, and stare into the depths of your soul.  

After minutes of suspension and unbearable anticipation you bravely open your eyes. 

BAD DECISION!  BAD DECISION! You scream.  Your friends laugh at you.  

Scary movie night is “so much fun.” 

It’s Halloween season, which means scary movies are unavoidable. There are already new horror movies out this year ranging from a demonic nun to the second return of serial killer Michael Meyers.  

That sounds scary enough, right?

To help prepare yourself for scary movie nights in your near future, here is a declassified survival guide.

The first tip to survival is to have a blanket.  You need something to cover your face every other minute when a scary scene pops up and something to make you feel protected from the monsters that will most definitely grab you through the screen.

A blanket works perfectly.

The second tip is to not hold liquids. Enjoying a Coke during a normal movie is refreshing, but trying to drink during a scary movie can be tragic. One glance at the TV can result in you throwing your drink all over yourself and your friends.

Third, bring a friend that is as easily scared as you or worse. Then you wouldn’t be the only one screaming, looking away, or potentially crying. While people will be laughing at you, you can also have someone to laugh with or at too.   

The last survival tip is for emergency situations. The tip is to sit on the outside of the group. When the movie gets insanely horrifying, you can quickly walk to another room and watch innocent, non-horrifying cartoons.  

If you still don’t think you’ll be able to handle a scary movie night after this survival guide, don’t feel guilty. You’re not alone.  

Phobophobia, the fear of fear, is alive and well. Local support groups can be found in any G-rated movie theater.  

I hope this survival guide serves you well.