Sweat drains down his face. His chest races to catch up to his pounding heart, each breath as deep as the pit inside his stomach. Evil eyes glare at his every move, judging him as he judges himself. Is my form correct? Am I last in this race? Is all this pain and effort worth it?

This is anxiety for a certain cross-country runner.

Running from internal insecurities, running from the fear of failure, running from inevitable issues.

Now senior athlete and captain for the boys’ cross-country team, Adrian von Hellens took on these challenges head-on when he first joined in his junior year.

“When I first started running, my only real problem was with myself,” von Hellens says. “I wasn’t sure if I could do it and I was scared to try.”

In his first 5K of the 2016-17 season, he finished with a time of over 39 minutes, a time he says is “very slow for the sport.”

Von Hellens recalls a time when he nearly gave up altogether. “One practice, there were these guys who would shout at the runners and just frustrate all of us,” he says. “I called myself an idiot for trying to do something good for once.”

Although pegged as a sport for individual runners, camaraderie played a major role in helping von Hellens overcome these obstacles. “If it wasn’t for the support of the team, I wouldn’t be where I am today,” he says. “We may run by ourselves but we are a family; if you aren’t running in a race, you are screaming your heart out for your teammates.”

Motivated by this encouragement, the senior has pushed back the idea of quitting. “No matter how hard a practice was or a race time that wasn’t what I wanted, I have worked for every goal I’ve had and now I don’t consider giving up a possibility,” he says. “If I start to believe I’m not good enough, I work harder to become better.”

With every practice and race, von Hellens would try to shave off more time, even if it was only a few seconds.

In his first 5K of this season, he finished with a time of 26:43. “I improved by over ten minutes because I just didn’t stop working at it.”

He hopes to race under 23 minutes by the end of the year. “Cross country is about self-improvement,” he says. “I don’t race to win; I race to be better.”

He is now running towards the acceptance of his insecurities, running towards success, and running towards the next finish line in his life. Hope.