Christmas music is an age-old tradition that dates back to the 4th century. If you were to turn on the radio right now, you’d be greeted by most every station playing it. As we get closer to Christmas day itself, it’ll be practically inescapable. You’ll find it playing at stores, restaurants, Christmas parties, and much more.
For the most part, the same songs get played each year. There’s classics, hymns, new songs and covers by celebrities, and hidden indie gems.
While some people love the fun seasonal memories that each song brings back each year, I think we should still hold these “classics” to the same standard that we hold new Christmas songs to. So, here are my picks for the top ten Christmas songs we need to reconsider playing this holiday season.
- Believe from The Polar Express
I have no recollection of ever actually hearing this song in the Polar Express. Surely I should remember it since we watched the movie every year in elementary school while wearing pjs and holding a styrofoam cup of watery hot chocolate the day before Christmas break. It’s cute for a little kids choir, but it’s hardly even about Christmas. The lyrics don’t make sense. I don’t think I’ve ever “found myself again” on Christmas. If anything, I lose myself in piles of gifts, mounds of food, and general over-consumerism. Not even Josh Groban could save this train wreck of a supposed Christmas song.
- Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney
I have never been a fan of the Beatles, and this song is no exception. It’s incredibly repetitive while keeping a consistently low, boring energy. The synth sounds horrendously out of place. The tone does not match the lyrics at all. He sounds bored out of his mind. It’s as if he doesn’t care about Christmas at all despite the title. It seems like just a regular old Tuesday for Paul.
- Baby It’s Cold Outside by every celebrity couple ever
Despite being covered by every combination of people imaginable, not a single duo thought to add anything unique or new to this overrated, overdone, and overplayed song. They all had the opportunity to fine tune the questionable lyrics, but chose not to. They could’ve just written a new Christmas duet altogether, why do we only have one? Coercion is not cute, no means no, and don’t drink mysterious beverages. This song is incredibly outdated, I think it’s time we leave it to rest.
- Carol of the Bells
If you want to understand my disdain for this classic Christmas song, consider the fact that I have been in choir since 5th grade. Have you ever heard a choir rendition of this song? It’s practically alto torture. They have to become the bells, singing “ding, dong” over and over while everyone else gets actual lyrics. How can something so boring, repetitive, and meaningless be played so much on every radio station in December? It sounds like a hymn, but the lyrics definitely don’t follow suit. I might give a pass to an orchestra rendition of this song, but in general, my heart aches for ever alto who has fallen victim to this crummy classic.
- Little Saint Nick by The Beach Boys
When I think of songs about Santa, this is not really one that comes to mind. I’m not even sure I knew it existed until fairly recently. The vocals sound weak, the lyrics are practically nonsensical, it’s incredibly boring, and so many better songs about Santa are out there. This song stands as further proof that people will listen to anything sung by a group of pretty boys.
- Twelve Days of Christmas
Who wants to receive 184 birds for Christmas? Not me. You’d think something so repetitive would be easy to remember, but it’s not. If you know every word to this song by heart, I highly recommend you seek help. It’s not even very festive. I’ll take the five golden rings and move on.
- I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas by Gayla Peevey
Do you want a hippopotamus for Christmas? I definitely don’t. Especially not in addition to all the birds my supposed “true love” gave me for the 12 days of Christmas. The general sound of the song is quite annoying. It’s not cute, it doesn’t make sense, and in no way is it relatable to how anyone feels about Christmas. The only exception for this song is Darren Criss’ cover where he changes the tempo and doesn’t sing like there’s a clothespin stuck on his nose.
- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by The Jackson 5
This song just makes me uncomfortable. Is mommy hiding something from daddy? Is daddy dressed up as Santa? I don’t really want to know; there’s no good explanation for it. It’s supposed to be cutesy but I think it’s mostly just annoying. This little kid needs to go to bed so Santa can move on to his actual job.
- Mistletoe by Justin Beiber
In Justin Beiber’s defense, I doubt he actually wanted to make a Christmas song. His producers probably just insisted because of course the Beliebers would buy anything with this face on it. I am not a fan of 2nd person perspective songs in general, but especially this one. The slang used sounds unnatural and does not match the Christmas vibes at all. I can confidently say that 13 years later, this is no one’s favorite Christmas song.
- Candy Cane Lane by Sia
From the moment this song was released, I have absolutely despised it. I have called several songs on this list annoying, but this one is truly obnoxious. The lyrics are terrible, her voice is somehow a million times more nasal than usual, and candy canes are nasty anyway. Sia showed us she can write a decent Christmas song with Snowman, how is this so awful in comparison? Half the lyrics are random colors of no significance. This song adds nothing to the genre other than another dumb repetitive song to get stuck in your head and drive you to insanity this holiday season.
